There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tyler,
I'm so sorry I haven't written here in awhile, but I know that you know that I think about you every second of every day. Mommy will never know why you can't be here with us but I do know that I will see and hold you again in Heaven.
Christmas was so hard for us. Mommy held your little Christmas outfit and cried, I so wanted to dress you up in it and take pictures of you and daddy by our Christmas tree. I hope that you were wearing your outfit up in Heaven. I can't even imagine the celebration that you had up in Heaven with Jesus. I can't wait to celebrate Christmas with you in Heaven.
Please watch over daddy sweet little boy. He misses you so so much and he has taken on so much to help mommy. Send him a sign that you are thinking of him. You really are daddy's little twin.
Don't worry little one when mommy cries it just because I love you so much. It hurts that people here on earth don't see me as being a mommy. I will always be your mommy and I will always carry you with me.
I love you sweet boy and I'm sending you a kiss to Heaven right now.
Love,
your Mommy
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Happy One Month Angelversary Baby Boy
Dearest Baby Boy,
Today is your one month angelversary. How exciting! I hope that you had tons of fun with your sister and all your new angel friends! Momma, Daddy, and Macy released a balloon today for you. Did you get it? We watched it float up to heaven for you and we sent kisses with it too. Macy was so excited to go to the park. She chased and barked at a frog. She misses you just as much as mommy and daddy do. Don't worry though baby boy when we cry it's just because we love you so much and wish that you could be here with us.
We love you with all of our hearts and we hope you had a fun day in heaven. We love to see all the signs that you send us.
Love,
Momma, Daddy, and Macy (your dog sister)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't believe it has been one month since we had to say goodbye to our sweet baby boy. I wish I could go back to that day just so I could hold him and love on him some more. His blanket still smells like his sweet baby smell. I just hope that he knows how much we all love and miss him dearly.
I found some great support from some women on the NILMDTS forum that have gone through similar situations. I wish there wasn't anyone else who had gone through what we did but there is. It is nice to know that you aren't alone.
Last night was really rough. I couldn't sleep and I just keep thinking that I would give anything to have to stay up and get no sleep because Tyler needed me. To hold him and rock him and love on him as much as I possibly could. Then I got angry because this shouldn't happen to anyone. And then I got even more angry because I felt like we weren't ready for Tyler. I still needed to wash all his clothes and finish his room. He deserved that. Then I just cried because I miss my baby. I miss Tyler, my little tiger. Ryan cried too and we just held each other with Tyler's blanket wrapped around me.
Today has been a little better, well until we went to go get Tyler's balloon. First we went to the Dollar Tree and we picked out a balloon. Then we went to pay and the place didn't accept MasterCard ... well needless to say we searched both of our wallets and no cash. I wanted to cry. I couldn't even buy a balloon for my baby. I wanted to tell the lady what the balloon was for to just cry out that I just want to honor my son on his special day. My husband knew what I was thinking and said we can go to HEB no big deal.
When we got to HEB I found an even better balloon and was thrilled. We went to find the lady to blow up Tyler's balloon and she pretty rude. Apparently she was allergic to latex and she went to find someone else to help. She didn't seem to care and kept walking in and out of the freezer ... my anxiety got worse. I was failing Tyler and nobody seemed to care or want to help me. Finally this super nice lady came to help us and my anxiety went down. It was like she just knew that the balloon meant a lot to my husband and I.
I wrote on the balloon as my husband drove to the park. I wrote, "Happy One Month Angelversary Tyler" We signed the balloon and kissed it for our baby boy. When we got to the park it was pretty dark and that upset me but it was still Tyler's angelversary and I knew that he didn't mind what time he got his balloon. We released it and watched it float to heaven. I kept asking Ryan if Tyler got his balloon and he assured me that he did. I left pretty at peace knowing that we were able to be a part of baby boy's special day.
Today is your one month angelversary. How exciting! I hope that you had tons of fun with your sister and all your new angel friends! Momma, Daddy, and Macy released a balloon today for you. Did you get it? We watched it float up to heaven for you and we sent kisses with it too. Macy was so excited to go to the park. She chased and barked at a frog. She misses you just as much as mommy and daddy do. Don't worry though baby boy when we cry it's just because we love you so much and wish that you could be here with us.
We love you with all of our hearts and we hope you had a fun day in heaven. We love to see all the signs that you send us.
Love,
Momma, Daddy, and Macy (your dog sister)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't believe it has been one month since we had to say goodbye to our sweet baby boy. I wish I could go back to that day just so I could hold him and love on him some more. His blanket still smells like his sweet baby smell. I just hope that he knows how much we all love and miss him dearly.
I found some great support from some women on the NILMDTS forum that have gone through similar situations. I wish there wasn't anyone else who had gone through what we did but there is. It is nice to know that you aren't alone.
Last night was really rough. I couldn't sleep and I just keep thinking that I would give anything to have to stay up and get no sleep because Tyler needed me. To hold him and rock him and love on him as much as I possibly could. Then I got angry because this shouldn't happen to anyone. And then I got even more angry because I felt like we weren't ready for Tyler. I still needed to wash all his clothes and finish his room. He deserved that. Then I just cried because I miss my baby. I miss Tyler, my little tiger. Ryan cried too and we just held each other with Tyler's blanket wrapped around me.
Today has been a little better, well until we went to go get Tyler's balloon. First we went to the Dollar Tree and we picked out a balloon. Then we went to pay and the place didn't accept MasterCard ... well needless to say we searched both of our wallets and no cash. I wanted to cry. I couldn't even buy a balloon for my baby. I wanted to tell the lady what the balloon was for to just cry out that I just want to honor my son on his special day. My husband knew what I was thinking and said we can go to HEB no big deal.
When we got to HEB I found an even better balloon and was thrilled. We went to find the lady to blow up Tyler's balloon and she pretty rude. Apparently she was allergic to latex and she went to find someone else to help. She didn't seem to care and kept walking in and out of the freezer ... my anxiety got worse. I was failing Tyler and nobody seemed to care or want to help me. Finally this super nice lady came to help us and my anxiety went down. It was like she just knew that the balloon meant a lot to my husband and I.
I wrote on the balloon as my husband drove to the park. I wrote, "Happy One Month Angelversary Tyler" We signed the balloon and kissed it for our baby boy. When we got to the park it was pretty dark and that upset me but it was still Tyler's angelversary and I knew that he didn't mind what time he got his balloon. We released it and watched it float to heaven. I kept asking Ryan if Tyler got his balloon and he assured me that he did. I left pretty at peace knowing that we were able to be a part of baby boy's special day.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Our Greatest Joy Was Having You
Baby Tyler,
Mommy misses you so very much! I wish I could kiss your sweet forehead and watch you as you sleep. Now, I know that you kiss my forehead and watch me sleep at night. Mommy is trying not to be so sad but I miss my baby boy so much. People tell me it will get better, but I know I will always miss my sweet baby boy. I can't wait till I get to hold you in heaven.
I love you forever.
I like you for always.
Forever and always, my baby you'll be.
Grandma came to visit you today. She said that your sunflowers are so bright. Mommy knew that you were a sunflower baby. It's amazing cause I see sunflowers on the side of the road and it makes me smile to think of you in heaven. You are such a beautiful baby boy! You bring mommy and daddy so much joy, we just wish we could see you laugh and smile. I know that you are smiling in heaven.
Macy misses her bubba very much. She often lays on my tummy and I know she is thinking of you. Daddy took her for a walk today and she was very excited. Hopefully mommy won't be sick for very much longer and she can take Macy to visit the dog park.
Tyler, you'll always be our special baby boy and mommy can't wait to be with you in heaven one day. I know you'll run into my arms and whisper mommy into my ear. I wish you could be here with Daddy, Macy, and me but God had other plans for our baby boy.
I keep looking at your pictures and wishing I could hold you again. I know that day will come but it won't be soon enough. I love you, Tyler and you'll always be mommy's sweet angel baby boy.
Until we meet in heaven. Love always, your Mommy.
Mommy misses you so very much! I wish I could kiss your sweet forehead and watch you as you sleep. Now, I know that you kiss my forehead and watch me sleep at night. Mommy is trying not to be so sad but I miss my baby boy so much. People tell me it will get better, but I know I will always miss my sweet baby boy. I can't wait till I get to hold you in heaven.
I love you forever.
I like you for always.
Forever and always, my baby you'll be.
Grandma came to visit you today. She said that your sunflowers are so bright. Mommy knew that you were a sunflower baby. It's amazing cause I see sunflowers on the side of the road and it makes me smile to think of you in heaven. You are such a beautiful baby boy! You bring mommy and daddy so much joy, we just wish we could see you laugh and smile. I know that you are smiling in heaven.
Macy misses her bubba very much. She often lays on my tummy and I know she is thinking of you. Daddy took her for a walk today and she was very excited. Hopefully mommy won't be sick for very much longer and she can take Macy to visit the dog park.
Tyler, you'll always be our special baby boy and mommy can't wait to be with you in heaven one day. I know you'll run into my arms and whisper mommy into my ear. I wish you could be here with Daddy, Macy, and me but God had other plans for our baby boy.
I keep looking at your pictures and wishing I could hold you again. I know that day will come but it won't be soon enough. I love you, Tyler and you'll always be mommy's sweet angel baby boy.
Until we meet in heaven. Love always, your Mommy.
Monday, October 19, 2009
There Will Be a Day
Ryan and I just got back home from seeing family this weekend. It's great to be surrounded by such love and support, but it makes coming back to Houston even harder. Tomorrow is Ryan's first day back at work and tomorrow is the start of me being at home by myself. Honestly, I'm scared to be alone but I think it will be good for me. I've been overworking myself and it will be good to rest. Plus it will give me a chance to write some thank you notes and finish the books that I have started.
It's so difficult to be 34 weeks pregnant and then all of sudden you aren't and you don't have a baby to hold and take care of. My body still thinks there is a baby and I'm going through all the symptoms that a normal postpartum mom encounters. It hurts physically and mentally and makes me miss Tyler even more.
I finished his ultrasound photo album and I carry it with me everywhere. It has all the photos that we have of him and it helps to look at them. They make me smile because it makes me think of all the wonderful active times when he was in my tummy.
I talk to Tyler often and it helps to know that he can hear me, I just hope that he knows that I love him more then anything. I just wish I could hold him and kiss him again.
My faith keeps me going and I have to keep the faith for Tyler. That way I know that I will see him again one day and I know that he will run up to me as I come up to the gate.
I keep saying the lyrics to this Jeremy Camp song over and over again. It helps me and gives me something to look forward too.
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.
It's so difficult to be 34 weeks pregnant and then all of sudden you aren't and you don't have a baby to hold and take care of. My body still thinks there is a baby and I'm going through all the symptoms that a normal postpartum mom encounters. It hurts physically and mentally and makes me miss Tyler even more.
I finished his ultrasound photo album and I carry it with me everywhere. It has all the photos that we have of him and it helps to look at them. They make me smile because it makes me think of all the wonderful active times when he was in my tummy.
I talk to Tyler often and it helps to know that he can hear me, I just hope that he knows that I love him more then anything. I just wish I could hold him and kiss him again.
My faith keeps me going and I have to keep the faith for Tyler. That way I know that I will see him again one day and I know that he will run up to me as I come up to the gate.
I keep saying the lyrics to this Jeremy Camp song over and over again. It helps me and gives me something to look forward too.
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
In Loving Memory of Tyler Evan Chambers
When we found out I was pregnant,
We were so filled with joy,
Our gift from God,
Our sweet little boy.
I felt you grow and move around,
Little kicks of love,
Felt like heaven above.
We got to hold you once,
And for that we'll always treasure,
Your pretty little face,
Brought us so much pleasure.
You are now our little angel,
In God's loving arms,
Where you will be safe and sound,
And nothing can do you harm.
Our love will grow stronger,
Everyday as we go on,
You will be our son forever,
As precious and innocent as ever.
When we found out I was pregnant,
We were so filled with joy,
Our gift from God,
Our sweet little boy.
I felt you grow and move around,
Little kicks of love,
Felt like heaven above.
We got to hold you once,
And for that we'll always treasure,
Your pretty little face,
Brought us so much pleasure.
You are now our little angel,
In God's loving arms,
Where you will be safe and sound,
And nothing can do you harm.
Our love will grow stronger,
Everyday as we go on,
You will be our son forever,
As precious and innocent as ever.
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